and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
