We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
