You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
