I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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