I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
