Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
