How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Randomize