you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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