Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize