mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
