sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
