You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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