I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
