Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
