i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
