She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Terrible idea I love it
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
