It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
