The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
