Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
