does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We have so much sex to catch up on
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
not ubering you a puppy
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
