Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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