oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
