Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He? As in you personified your dick?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
