I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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