People with herpes should wear stickers.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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