I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
