we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
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