She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
