but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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