Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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