he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize