I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize