my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
