we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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