We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize