Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
