Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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