Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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