Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
