Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You can't just leave with hair like that
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
