update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
