Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize