I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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