Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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