he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
