just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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