Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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