If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
