Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
we're making bets on your personal life
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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