Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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