the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
