Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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