Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I want a musical about memes.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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