I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
