So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
