Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
