I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
