areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
