My first STD was from a foam party
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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