so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
