when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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