I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
