I CAN MOONWALK!
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
